When I had healed enough to make drastic changes in my love life, I began to share my story and lessons with others.  We talked about the aches and pains that can come with love, and I taught them what I had learned: that not only is it possible to love someone without losing yourself, it’s crucial to do so if you want to feel deep intimacy. 

As I shared, so many people nodded their head in agreement and some let tears fall from their eyes.

So many of us move through our love lives with the following question buried underneath all of our actions:

Will Anyone Love Me if I Show Them Who I Really Am?

The answer is a clear and resounding YES.  YES.  YES!

In fact, that’s the only way deep and nourishing love happens.  When you pull back the layers and let the right person see your true self, you open yourself to a earth-shattering love.  I’ve felt it…that beautiful deep connection that comes from authenticity.  It’s like a tall drink of water when you thought that all you’d ever have was the dry desert.

I want you to have that feeling too.

I’ve created a program to help you see what your world can be like when you go through life knowing that you deserve to be loved.

Click the picture below to learn more.

With compassion,
Marsha

When I was younger, I dreamed of being the MD who discovered the cure for cancer, won a Noble Prize and sat on Oprah to talk about it all.  Now that I’m older, those dreams have fallen away.  Not because I don’t believe in my ability to reach those goals, but because as I’ve matured, I’ve realized that my childhood dreams were born out of a limited view of success.  When I was younger, I thought that the world worked by a prescribed set of rules.  I didn’t take the time to question those rules, to wonder who created them and who was served by them.  I just bought into them.  So of course, when I envisioned my “success,” my goals all fit into that preconceived framework.

These days, I don’t have any visions of reaching the C-suite, or learning to be more aggressive in the boardroom.   I don’t dream of 80 hour work weeks where I crack the code to cancer while navigating a book deal.  Those versions of success are all deeply valuable.  And I wholeheartedly support the discussions that Sandberg is igniting around helping women to be more successful according to those rules.

But when I take the time to listen to myself, really listen, I hear a voice that defines success as something entirely different.  In my world, I am successful if I can create safe, sacred spaces for people to experiment with authenticity, compassion, cooperation, ease and integrity as ways of being. In essence, I’m successful when I build a life that is in line with my values.

So if you find yourself wondering if you need to Lean In, ask yourself, what version of success do you care the most about?  There’s no use in measuring yourself by a yardstick that’s not meant for you.

What does success mean for you?

Five minutes to bring water and 3 cinnamon sticks to a boil while I add honey to my favorite mug.

Five minutes to slowly sip my tea (10 minutes if I’m in the mood to indulge). During those 5 minutes, I focus my mind on the warmth of mug against my palms.

I gently coax it to stay here, in this moment, instead of dancing around in the stories it likes to create about the past or the future.

I breathe in deeply, let the air expand my lungs, then I let it all out in an audible sigh. Each exhale takes the anxiety of the day away from me.

Less anxiety means that I can enjoy a deep, refreshing sleep.

Refreshing sleep means that I can have more patience as I move through the next day.

With more patience, I can get a handle on my frustration when A., one of my middle schoolers, gets out of her chair for the 3rd time — refusing to focus on her worksheet.

Having a handle on my frustration means that I call her to the corner and give her time to tell me her story, instead of sending her straight to the office for being disruptive.

And with shy whispers she lets me in on her secret. She got her period today. For the first time! She needs a pad but didn’t bring enough with her today.

I congratulate her (yay!) and we negotiate a signal that she can use with me next time she’s in this boat. Now we’re allies, and I get to model compassionate, respectful communication.

I’m the teacher I’m meant to be.  All because of 10 minutes.

I used to think that effective self-care took hours of time and hundreds of dollars. But now I’m an expert in using 10 minutes to change my world.

Curious about how you can do the same?

Join the free Treat Yourself eCourse. For 10 days, starting March 11th, we’ll experiment with self-care and find ways to honor ourselves within our crazy schedules.

To surrender (verb) -  to give up in favor of another.

Many spiritual traditions refer to the concept of surrender, letting go, as a crucial step in the process of getting closer to God. In my own spiritual practice, I’ve found a particular form of surrender to also be a crucial step in my process to loving myself.

Each time I find myself caught up in a self-judgement loop where nothing I do feels good enough, it’s usually because I’m viewing myself through a highly critical lens.  That lens was created by the crazy standards I sometimes place on myself, taunts that I received when I was younger, and the warped messages we’re all bombarded with about who is worthy of love and who’s not.

God, on the other hand, never views us through that lens.  In God’s eyes, we are always worthy of love and belonging.  In God’s eyes, we are precious gems.  Each gem is unique, a bit scratched up by our life journeys and all the more valuable because of that.

Surrender is the place where my spiritual practice and my self-love journey intersect.  When I surrender my warped, highly critical lens and see myself through God’s eyes, I suddenly see a woman who is deserving of love and the best that the world has in store for me.  In God’s eyes, I see myself as I truly am.

What would your life be like if you surrendered your vision of yourself and saw yourself through God’s eyes?

Hi dears,

This week, I wanted to share one of my favorite gospel songs to help get you over the midweek hump: “It’s Not Over” by Israel & New Breed.  I love the lyrics:

I know it’s darkest just before dawn/might be the hardest season you’ve experienced

I know it hurts, won’t be too long

You’re closer than you think you are

You’re closer than you’ve been before

What if the finish line for the thing you’ve been working towards is closer than you thought it was?  How would your actions & moods change if you believed that?

1.  Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. Tara Brach is a Buddhist teacher who beautifully blends her Western training in psychology with Buddhist teachings.  In Radical Acceptance, she offers practical and compassionate advice on stepping out of the “trance of unworthiness.”

2.  Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker Palmer.  In this book, Parker Palmer uses a Quaker lens to approach the topic of accepting who we truly are.  His writing here is incredibly accessible and eye-opening for anyone who’s wondered what to do when life closes certain doors & the path before you seems unclear.

3.   I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) by Brene Brown.  I learned of Brene Brown’s work when I saw her wildly popular Ted Talk titled “The Power of Vulnerability.”  If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s definitely a must see.  This book delves deeper into her work on vulnerability and teaches us how to let go of shame to embrace wholehearted living.

What were you raised to believe about faith/God?

What do you believe about God now?

What aspect of God do you need most in this moment?

1.  “Faith is taking the first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.” — Martin Luther King Jr.

2.  “Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time.” — Barack Obama

3.  “When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” — Audre Lorde

4.  “Difficulties are bound to come. Just sitting still, difficulties appear all around you. Difficulties get in the way when you act. If there were no difficulties, you would never realize your inner strength. Strength is always within   us, but it only comes out when difficulty appears. When difficulties arise, do not stop. Instead, continue on your way by having faith in God.” — Swami Kripalu

5.  “My beloved child, break your heart no longer.  Every time you judge yourself you break your own heart.  You stop feeding on the love which is the wellspring of your vitality.  The time has come.  Your time.  To live, to celebrate, and to see the goodness that you are.  You, my child, are divine.  You are pure.  You are sublimely free.  You are God in disguise, and you are always perfectly safe.  Do not fight the dark, just turn on the light, and breathe into the goodness that you are.” – Swami Kripalu

6.  “Find the good and praise it.” — Alex Haley

I’ve been yearning after God since I was 14 (that’s 17 years of searching, in case you were wondering).  I’ve looked for Her in Catholic masses, Pentecostal revivals,yoga classes and books written by world renowned theologians. In 2000, God and I entered into a deep friendship, supported by years of learning & spiritual practice, that eventually led to these lessons:

I’ve learned that God loves us all passionately.

I’ve learned that that love is also completely and utterly unconditional.

I’ve learned that God doesn’t care how we choose to do our hair, or what clothes that we wear, or what size our body is, but God does care that we remember that those things don’t define us.

And yet, I’ve learned that God does believe that our body is our temple, our home, and should be treated as such.

I’ve learned that as we get quieter, God gets louder and clearer.

I’ve learned that God appreciates full surrender AND wise effort.  Go figure.

I’ve learned that while I love to meet God when I’m feeling triumphant, God’s love still exists I’m feeling broken.

I’ve learned that while God inspires us to dream big, God also teaches us how to start just where we are.

I’ve learned that God speaks as much through silence as through clear inspiration.

I’ve learned that the love of friends, family and lovers is God’s language.

And I’ve learned that I’m not the only one who is hungry for a more compassionate & life-affirming approach to faith.

What have you learned about God in 2012?

(Trigger warning) The story of this woman keeps playing in my mind.

Coming so soon on the heels of the massacre in Newtown; I’m wracked with grief.

My heart is cracked wide open.  As it should be.  I hope the day will never come where I am not touched by these stories.

My heart is filled with grief and a renewed sense of purpose.  Stories like these are why I do the work that I do.

There is so much more to be done in the world, so much to be done outside of this site and blog, but here is a first step:

Join the movement.  Become a sacred activist by opening your heart and feeling compassion for yourself and for others. Become one less voice of violence in this world. (Click here to tweet this).

Sacred activism in action looks different for each of us.

For some it means taking part in protests in the streets.  For some it means limiting your exposure to news like this so you can keep your heart tender for those closest to you who can benefit from your love and care.

Whatever sacred activism looks like for you, know that each step you take toward tenderness, compassion and authentic connection matters.